It's Friday. Sex?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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