My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
smell my finger.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
