ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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