If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"it" just moved
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
