last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
