Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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