OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
