so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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