I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
