It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
