no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
