ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
