god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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