she was so not down for the gang bang
...so i touched it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
