I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
