We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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