he wants to bone in the snuggie
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
