5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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