from now on my penis is your penis
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
