some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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