Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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