Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
