My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
