college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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