dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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