I can text with my tongue
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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