So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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