It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Someone shit on the floor
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
