I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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