you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry my hands just texted you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
