I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
