they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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