my phone needs a breathalizer
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
