He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
