her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
