i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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