No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
