I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
