its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
my liver is dry heaving
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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