mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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