go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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