come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
