I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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