He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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