I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
