I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
