Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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