But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
