just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
