i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it hurts more in the daytime
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am available for nakedness
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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