Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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