I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.