I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
