And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.