I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.