I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
