Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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