apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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