I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this boner is exhausting
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
