I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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