Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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