I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
