My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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