the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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