I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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