My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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