Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
