Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
